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**** COMMENCE TRANSMISSION ****
CONFIDENTIAL COMMUNICATION – DARTH SIDEOUS’ EYES ONLY
Author: Darth Craw - SL9697, Victorian Knightfall Squad
Location:
Third planet in the Sol system, Terra (a.k.a. Earth)
SARATOGA
Cnr Darling & Toorak Rd, South Yarra,
Victoria, Australia
Landscape: Inner-suburban, subterranean cantina.
Weather: Night, cool with sporatic rain.
Date / Time:
Start: Friday, 7 May, 2010 at 7:30pm
End: Saturday, 8 May, 2010 at 1:00am
Troopers:
501st Legion
- TK-4490 (“Shiney” / Stu)
- TK-8503 (“Dunkaroo” / Duncan)
- SL-9697 (“Darth Craw” / Michael)
Rebel
- Rick (Jedi)
- Debbie (Jedi)
- April (Jedi)
- Daniel (Pilot)
- Kat (Pilot)
- Anne (Pilot)
- Nancy (Jedi)
- Kelly (Jedi)
- Craig (Jedi)
Wranglers: Mark (RL)
Report:
My Lord Sideous, I now understand your reasoning for sending me on this mission – a test of my patience and my control of the Dark Side.
After cloaking my presence, I made planetfall and arrived at the subterranean cantina, with Jedi Master Barriss Offee (Kelly) in tow, at 6:30pm local standard time. Soon after the assigned troopers, Trooper Stu and Trooper Duncan, arrived and proceeded to armour-up in our spacious “changeroom” (the cantina’s bar and seating area) while the local jizz-wailers readied the band area. Next came “those others” – the flotsam and jetsam that are commonly referred to as “the Good Guys”, Jedi and rebel pilots – Rebel Legion. Inorder to conceal themselves, our troopers donned pink shoulder covering. Oh how easy these rebels are fooled! As I increase my encounters with the pubic, my control of the Dark Side to cloak my presence and/or appearance grows. No problem tonight but I did have to reign in my urge to slice and dice the surrounding Jedi.
As the local cantina attendees filtered in, inorder to test my control of concealment, I accepted the challenge of positioning myself at the check-in point and distribute lanyards, with Jedi Master Offee, to the entering patrons. Our troopers, as well as Rebel pilots and Jedi, also distributed showbags. As a further test of Dark Side concentration and multi-tasking, I often influenced the minds of the Rebel Legion members to guard the cantina entrance and stand out in the cold and rain. I even had one pilot duped into believing he was on Tatooine under the blazing suns so that he wore his sunglasses for most of the night, including indoors! As you constantly say, My Lord, “the Dark Side of the Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.”
Music blared, patron danced and much liquid refreshments were imbibed. Trooper Stu did have to issue a few infringement notices to patrons but, whether due to their intake of beverages or their attraction to a man in armour (the latter is the common opinion), the tickets were accepted with much mirth and rejoicing. The Jedi, pilots and troopers mingled with Cantina attendees with Trooper Stu, as usual, displaying his deft skill at dancing while in full armour.
Due to the docking bay fees and Jedi Master Offee’s early morning meeting with the Jedi Council, I left the cantina and lifted off at approximately 11:00pm local standard time. Before departing I implanted in the minds of all present to continue having a good time.
Summary: We came, we partied, we (and all attending) had a great time.
Casualties: No injuries. (I had to fight the urge to attack the surrounding Jedi and rebels.)
Injuries: None.
Armor Repairs: No armour was damaged. Easy to remove cosmetic appliances were utilised by troopers in an attempt to blend in with the denziens of the establishment.
Happy People: Everybody.
People not happy: None (unless you include myself and my urges – see above).
Mission Status: Successfully completed.
Very soon we will have our revenge.
Your humble servant, Darth Craw – SL9697, signing out.
**** END TRANSMISSION ****
